There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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