I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
