You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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