yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
