not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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