im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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