He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
