fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
