hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
