I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you traded sex for a burrito?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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