i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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