And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
