I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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