i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
