I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
