my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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