All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize