dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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