Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
