I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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