I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
