I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
