just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
