Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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