At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
