i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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