Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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