is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize