watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize