why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
