Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
