What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My balls are so social today.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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