Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
