If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
