well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
