party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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