I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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