You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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