hotel room ftw
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
