how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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