Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
