Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
