i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
