he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
