Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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