So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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