there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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