The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
