You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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