i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
