A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize