i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
