Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
