xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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