I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
