I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
