are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
