it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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