I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
