Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize