Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
