I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
