Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
