can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
