I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
