My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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