Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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