I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize